Previously on RuPaul’s Drag Race
“I really hope karma doesn’t bite me in the ass”
At the end of last week’s episode, the twist was finally unleashed on the girls. The eliminated Queens are all back, and are seeking revenge.
Needless to say, everyone is happy.
Roxxxy compares Phi Phi’s crest fallen face to that of someone being caught in a three-way calling trick, but while those usually end with a ruined high school friendship, this one ends with a Drag Queen making an ass of herself and possibly doing damage to her career.
You know, same difference.
So the eliminated Queens come back, all wearing their dramatic reveal outfits.
First is Grandma Coco, whose dramatic reveal is… taking off her coat.
Something tells me her return won’t last long.
Next is Tatianna, in an amazing tunic-turned- skirt and bra combo.
And with her, we also welcome back Tatianna’s crazy eyes.
Never forget. No matter how hard you try.
Next is Ginger Minj, who goes from a sequin top to a dress, continuing Tatianna’s trend of having a better outfit than the Queens still left in the competition.
“Good to see ya, diarrhea!”
God damn it, Ginger, stop saying that!
And last is Alyssa, coming out in the same ugly yet awesome dress she had last episode.
Hey, everyone, Alyssa is back! Are you excited!
Detox does an accurate impression of Phi Phi.
Yeah, we’re all back together!
So the nine Queens can now reunite and have a good ti-
“I believe Phi Phi has something to say.”
“I don’t want to be all childish. Stop playing the victim”
Oh, Ginger wants to say something!
“Alyssa, you kinda are playing the victim.”
More importantly, though, is we learn that while Ginger is mad Alyssa sent her home, if she had decided on Katya, Ginger would have sacrificed herself to let Katya stay.
So, basically, Ginger is more mad Alyssa didn’t let her play the martyr than the fact that she was eliminated.
Even Alyssa sees the big bag of bullshit for what it is.
Speaking of being the martyr.
“I called Alyssa out, and now I’m the bad guy!”
Yeah, Phi Phi, that’s why you’re the bad guy…
The next day in the workroom, there’s obvious tension between all the girls.
Roxxxy gives a confessional, only to remind us that she’s still here, somehow.
RuPaul comes down the stairs and announces the, by far, most complicated coming back challenge in reality show history.
The four eliminated Queens will each pair up with a still active Queen for a comedy challenge. From that, two teams will be chosen as the top Queens, and two will be chosen as bottom teams. The active Queens from those two top teams are safe, and the eliminated Queens will lip sync for their life *and* their legacy. Whoever wins will return to the competition, and will eliminate one of the active Queens in one of the bottom two teams.
With me so far?
Now, because Adore quit and fucked up their schedule, one active girl will be by herself. If she is in the top, and wins the lip sync, she will decide who will return to the competition, *and* eliminate one of the bottom two, active Queens.
After RuPaul sets up this twist, taking at least three hours and using two separate flow charts, the eliminated Queens get to decide who their partners will be.
First is Alyssa, who picks Alaska. Alyssa may not be the brightest bulb, but even she sees the transparent winner edit Alaska is getting, and so wants to hook on to this work horse as long as she can.
Next is Ginger, who picks Katya. Naturally, as both are from the same season.
Tatianna chooses Detox, both because she’s a crude, funny Queen, and because the alternatives were Phi Phi and Roxxxy.
Left with the bottom of the barrel, Grandma Coco choose Phi Phi. Yep, Coco would rather work with the problematic, bitchy, two-faced Queen that has been getting on everybody’s nerves, than with Roxxxy.
How does that feel, Roxxxy?
We also learn that the Queens will be doing their comedy routines before n audience of Drag Race alums who were also all stars.
Or, as we’ll see, a few All Stars within a sea of early boots.
The Queens are excited!
So, the Queens start to work on their routines.
We start wi- OF COURSE WE START WITH PHI PHI’S TEAM!
Phi Phi and Grandma Coco start by talking about possibly attacking each other’s flaws. They start jotting down ideas, when Phi Phi has an epiphany.
Grandma Coco tells her how that could be used as an asset, but instead of listening, Phi Phi corrects herself.
“I think only one person thinks I’m a bitch.”
Trust me, Phi Phi, it isn’t just one.
Having a new ear to complain to, Phi Phi talks to Grandma Coco about how she is annoyed with Alyssa, and keeps saying Alyssa is playing the victim.
Naturally, Grandma doesn’t want to hear this. She has a chance to come back, and now she has to sit here and listen to someone complain about Alyssa.
If there is a God, I’d like to think this is his divine punishment to Coco for spending over a half dozen episodes doing the same thing.
After this, we see the girls practice.
Cheap as the show is, they reuse Ross Mathews for the second time in five weeks. Thankfully they pair him with Chelsea Peretti, but we don’t see her again after this segment.
Drag Race: Logo’s number one show, still has a budget of fourteen dollars.
First we get Ginger and Katya. We actually do get a nice scene where Ginger says there was nobody she would want to do this challenge with more than Katya.
We follow up this nice scene with Ginger calling her a whore, and Katya calling Ginger fat.
Next are Detox and Tatianna, who tells roughly seventy jokes in a minute about assholes, most of them literal assholes.
“It’s sounding really… crude.”
This is Detox we’re talking about! An overly pumped, living mannequin whose last name is Icunt. She *runs* on crude.
Last are Phi Phi and Grandma, who don’t exactly impress the judges.
“That’s great. It’s fun. But like… can it be funny? Please?!”
Phi Phi talks about her head still being focused on the argument she had with Alyssa.
Grandma is not sympathetic to her.
“Jesus Christ, let it go!”
Finally, Phi Phi talks to Alyssa about what’s bothering her.
Alyssa points out the obvious to Phi Phi: all she’s doing is making herself out to be the villain. Because she’s been holding on to this grudge against Alyssa for so long, it just makes her look like the bad guy, like in Season 4.
Naturally, Phi Phi doesn’t listen. She points out that even Alaska thinks Sharon was also to blame for the arguments that happened.
Not to defend Sharon Needles here, but Phi Phi is clearly fishing for any kind of excuse that fans have given her that sounds even remotely possible. Phi Phi just can’t admit that she made a mistake, expects the show to follow her on her terms, and doesn’t get that giving the editors an inch will just let them take a mile (and she has given more than an inch).
Meanwhile, off to the side.
“Note to self, don’t talk to Phi Phi”
Just wanting to let the scene end, Phi Phi and Alyssa give each other a hug.
“That hug was as awkward as Obama hugging Trump”
Oh, come now, Grandma, I’m sure Phi Phi has changed.
“Alright, now get away from my table”
Alright, time for the main stage!
Coming out in a robe, RuPaul is clearly reading to pass out whenever Roxxxy will perform.
Thankfully we skip the judges introduction this episode, presumably because they are reusing a guest judge, and couldn’t find anything new and catchy to say.
“So, Ross… how was breakfast?”
So, time to start the show!
It’s like the real Drag Queens of Comedy. Except without Bianca. Or Bob. Or Lady Bunny. Or- how is this All Stars again?
We also get a sweep of the audience, and see all the past girls you… barely remember.
Of course, take a guess who steals the show.
Laganja, what the fuck are you wearing!
We start out with our emcee, Roxxxy Andrews.
*crowd goes immediately silent*
Unsurprisingly, Roxxxy bombs *hard*. She can’t even get through a Michelle Visage, glory hole joke without stuttering.
Please, I can do that in my sleep!
“I’m dying up here”
Thankfully, someone kicks her off the stage, and we get our first act.
Unfortunately, it’s Phi Phi and Grandma.
The two don’t do as bad as Roxxxy (high praise I know), but still flounder. Coco will give a semi-amusing joke about using Doritos as blush, but they don’t play off that, and the entire thing just sorta stops.
Katya gives her review.
“It was less a routine and more an off-off-off-off-off broadway version of Hookers at the Point”
We cut back to Roxxxy, and…
What the actual fuck…
Failing to be funny as herself, Roxxxy decides to dress up as Tasha Salad. Remember her? No? Me neither.
Basically, all this means is that for the rest of the show, Roxxxy will be making salad puns.
I have decided to omit them for your sanity.
Up next is Alyssa and Alaska.
God damn it, Laganja…
Alaska starts by giving Alyssa a set up, to which Alyssa screams a nonsense word, and Alaska responds.
“How do you feel about Detox and Tatianna?”
“The Hills Have Eyes Part 2 The Remix!”
And that’s it. Literally, that’s the entire routine.
We do see them attack Michelle, though!
“Describe Michelle Visage.”
After them are Ginger and Katya, dressed here as the “best friends” couple in the 80’s going to prom together.
As expected, the two do a really good job together. They have obvious chemistry, and can make jokes about themselves work.
Sadly, the audience doesn’t laugh as much at smart humor as they do to Alyssa making faces.
Detox and Tatianna come up, and proceed to kill the competition.
As expected from any group featuring Detox, they are crude, rude, dirty, and filthy.
Naturally, they steal the show.
Detox is even able to save a slip up.
“That Sally Fields cunt lied to me about Boniva!”
All in all, a strong end-
“Hey, guys, miss me?!”
After deliberations, we learn that the top two are…
Alyssa and Tatianna.
Katya is also deemed safe, meaning that the bottom two are Roxxxy and Phi Phi.
Sadly, this means that Grandma and Ginger are no longer eligible to come back.
Ginger gives a solemn confessional about how frustrating and sad it is to hear that you did well, but you still weren’t good enough.
Grandma just gives a death glare.
The nine girls go back to the workroom, and deliberate who should be eliminated.
Roxxxy says she feels awkward defending herself, and respects the decision made.
Alyssa jokes to Roxxxy and Phi Phi that if she were in their place, she would beg.
“Well, I’m not the kind of Queen to beg”
Tatianna makes a good point about wanting to say why they should stay isn’t begging, and calls Phi Phi’s pride as just that: pure ego.
Seems that pride ran out, as we then see Phi Phi try to convince Alysssa that she should stay. Alyssa tells Phi Phi that she feels conflicted, and doesn’t know what to do.
By the way, Phi Phi makes sure to mention that she has grown so much over the weeks. Because Alyssa saving Katya based on overall performance is unfair, but doing so for Phi Phi is totally the right move.
After that, Phi Phi talks to Tatianna, where we get the greatest moment of the season. I can not possibly add to this to make it better, so please, enjoy this transcript.
“You know, I was worried you wouldn’t win because of Detox.”
“I mean, you could barely hear her jokes through that accent.”
“Oh, what are you trying to do there, girl?”
“‘You could barely hear Detox through the accent.’ But then she tells Detox that she was really funny but I wasn’t as funny.”
“Phi Phi is playing a little mother fucking game.”
“Hey, I totally enjoy Phi Phi. She’s become a really good friend. But if you’re gonna play a game, girl, play it right.”
This world needs more Tatianna.
Meanwhile, at the judging table.
They get paid for this.
The girls return to the main stage, to watch the lip sync.
…meh, they’ve had worse songs.
In all seriousness, this is the best lip sync of the season.
Tatianna and Alyssa kill it during the song. We even get a double drop.
Not the best the franchise has given, but grading on the All Star curve, it’s the best one yet.
And now, for the results.
“Tatianna. You’re a winner baby!”
“Alyssa Edwards, you are also a winner!”
“What the fuck!”
Yep, presumably to make up for Adore’s quit, Tatianna and Alyssa will both be coming back in the competition.
Everyone is so happy!
However, there’s a twist. Because both girls decided earlier who they would each eliminate, there’s a chance both Roxxxy and Phi Phi will go home.
Oh please, oh please, oh please send both home!
So Phi Phi is going home. And she does so gracefully and totally not bitter.
Yeah, no, Phi Phi instead walks to the back to hug the other girls and won’t talk to Alyssa.
“We have to live with our choices.”
We sure do, Phi Phi.
Phi Phi proceeds to run her mouth and call Alyssa a hypocrite. She burns every bridge she can, and takes her elimination by far the hardest of the season.
Seriously, guys, totally screwed by the edit!
“I can’t wait to be back for the reunion!’
Next time on RuPaul’s Drag Race All Stars 2:
Tatianna shoots death rays out of her eyes!
We hopefully get a new guest judge!
Roxxxy Andrews continues to exist!
All this, and more, next time!