When was the last time your season finale had this caliber of class from the start?
I thought so!
The girls come back after Alyssa was eliminated, and-
“Okay, seriously, am I the only one sick of the judges praising Alyssa, and liking her shitty looks, and…”
Go home, Phi Phi!
The girls discuss the elimination of Alyssa.
Katya expresses her utter shock and frustration that Detox sent Alyssa home instead of Roxxxy.
She reveals to everyone, much to no one’s shock this time, that she was going to send Roxxxy home.
Again, to Roxxxy’s credit, she takes the news in stride. She’s not dumb, she knows how her continued presence on the show is going to be perceived, so she simply repeats the “I’m not giving up” confessional she has been giving since the second week.
Meanwhile, Detox says she was even considering sending Alaska home due to her poor attitude.
I mean, there’s no way she would have sent Alaska home, but still, Alaska was definitely being obnoxious.
Alaska tries to defend herself by saying she was never in the bottom during Season 5, and that this is all a brand new experience.
Of course, this just makes her come out like a brat that had everything handed to her, and when things didn’t go her way, she just broke down.
Remember this for later.
The next day comes, and all the girls are excited.
They wait for RuPaul to comes down the stairs, when suddenly.
“Hello, Hello, Hello!”
The girls face their fears and approach Michelle to learn about their next challenge.
They are braver souls than I.
Michelle explains the challenge to them. Forcing every single cliche they have, the girls will have to create a rap that explains their stories, choreograph a dance number to the song they compile together, and create a runway look to express their need to win. They will also have to impress both her and RuPaul during a recording of that podcast that they do that you don’t listen to.
So the girls break off to work on their performances.
Roxxxy is the first, and the first part of the rap challenge is having to do it in front of this thing.
Where do they find these people?
Of course Roxxxy’s rap has to do with her being thick and juicy.
I would hope after two seasons that Roxxxy would have defined another trait about her that isn’t “naturally fuller than the skinny Queens, but not really as heavy as a typical Big Queen.”
Meanwhile, while Roxxxy is recording her rap, we go to Michelle and RuPaul recording their podcast, in outfits I’m 100% sure they where when not filmed.
First up is Alaska, and I’m sure there’s a lot that RuPaul wants to ask her.
“So how excited are you Rolaskatox all made it!”
At this point, Alaska has no one to blame but herself. She saved Roxxxy three times, of course people are going to bring this up, especially it’s a member of her old trio.
After this, we get Detox’s moment with RuPaul and Michelle, and not even they could stop themselves from mocking her.
“I feel like pinching myself.”
“Now, can you feel that?”
“So, anyway, about Rolaskatox.”
We go to Katya working on her album, and despite being a the absolute opposite thing to a hardened rapper, she does pretty well.
And remember, she’s starring at this thing.
So she’s doing pretty damn well.
While Katya is away, Alaska has decided to start bumming around under a blanket, looking pitiful.
Her friends come by to help her out of her funk, and then, suddenly, it all hits Alaska.
“This is just like Rolaskatox!”
You don’t fucking say!
Alaska starts to realize that their situation is just like the season 5 finale, a fact that literally every single Drag Race fan noticed immediately after Alyssa went home.
“Last time it was us three and a lovable weirdo, we all know how that went down.”
Of course, she’s saying all of this right to Detox and Roxxxy, who now see what Alaska is doing as blaming them for her loss.
“Alaska is like, ‘I won’t win if you two are here.'”
“Well fuck off!”
Like before, Alaska is throwing a huge pity party for herself over the possibility that she won’t win.
Again, remember this.
We then move on to Katya in the studio with RuPaul and Michelle.
Thankfully, we get a muh more fulfilling discussion. Namely, Katya getting over her anxiety problems in season 7.
“I find it best to give those voices a name. I named her Brenda. And every time I hear them, I just scream ‘Shut up, Brenda!’, and move on.”
“You know, I find it helps to add another voice to fight Brenda.”
“Oh, yeah, Carl.”
“You know about Carl, too!”
Alaska’s turn with the producer, and despite having a multitude of singles she loves to sell, she decides to do something random with her rap.
“Who’s that standing at the top? Oh, that’s me, hey porkchop!’
The final person in the recording studio is Detox.
She does alright, not great, not terrible. And honestly, in this Wonder Bread cast, that’s high praise.
And with this, we also wrap up with the Podcast interviews. Though the last one is with Roxxxy, so you know how this will go.
“Blah Blah Blah Blah Thick and Juicy.”
“Blah Blah Blah Blah Rolaskatox.”
After this, we get the girls trying out their choreography.
The only real highlight is that Katya makes everyone else look terrible.
“Oh hey, guys!”
It’s the final day of the workroom, and that means one thing.
Squeezing in as many past references as possible.
“What was your favorite moment, guys?”
“When you were in the bottom 2, Roxxxy.”
TIME FOR THE FINAL MAIN STAGE!
After struggling with it all season, RuPaul has accepted that, yes, she will embrace her inner grandma.
Michelle’s hair is amazing, but that outfit is a disaster.
Half a point, which is honestly her best score of the season.
I’m almost certain that Carson is wearing the exact same suit he did last week. Does he live under that table?
As seen here, Todrick is really looking forward to this shit ending already.
And now, time to meet the special, awesome guest judge that they saved for the finale!
Oh. Hi Ross. Again.
Before the runway, the Queens will be doing their dance routine for the judges.
Alaska starts by scarring everyone with her terrible blue make-up application.
Seriously, why even put on that body paint if you were going to half ass it.
Despite the unflattering picture, I actually like Detox’s look here. Her dancing is mostly just walking on chairs, though, so its best to fast forward through.
Katya naturally steals the show, being the best dancer and most flexible member of the final four.
And just like in episode 1, she caps it all off by turning into a Silent Hill monster.
Remember what I said about Detox’s dance? I’m sorry, because Roxxxy is even more boring.
How did she make it to final 4 again?
Now for the final runway.
I’m not going to hate, Alaska’s hair looks amazing here. Her dress is beautiful as well. By far, her best runway of the season.
The same can’t be said about Detox. This peach dress doesn’t flatter her thin figure, and her make-up isn’t that great.
Detox honestly peaked in runway looks the second episode.
Honestly the best of the season.
Katya’s look is supposedly inspired by the matriarchal leader of a Russian mob family, three days before her family kills her.
I must say, she nailed the look.
Roxxxy’s nude body suit is very much like the rest of her performance in the season: pretty but incredibly boring.
Before the final lip sync, RuPaul announces she will be eliminating one of the final four Queens on the spot.
I wonder who it is…
Yeah, no surprise, it’s Roxxxy.
Once again, to Roxxxy’s credit, she exits the season with grace. She admits she’s not as good as the three she shared the stage with.
Much respect to you, Roxxxy Andrews.
With Roxxxy gone, we move on the final lip sync.
This lip sync song isn’t bad, but the placement in the season is. This is a slow, soulful ballad that usually is suppose to happen after someone has an emotional Untucked, not during the finale.
The girls actually do fairly well in the lip sync, but by this point, the winner has already been decided. And you can easily tell they all know who it is.
“The winner of All Stars 2 is… Alaska!”
Everybody else’s reaction.
Long live the straight up, mother fucking dick pig.
And with this, we have come to the end of RuPaul’s Concentration Camp for Wayward Homosexuals 2. My analysis of this season is far from over, I still have a reunion to watch and barf at. And in the mean time, potential article on why this season felt so lackluster.
Until next time, take care, and don’t fuck it up!